Chapter 19: Denials

A true believer loves for his brother what he loves for himself. - The Prophet Muhammad

The horses were far from the caravan, and the little stoves in the vardos were enough to make a good deal of food for everyone. There was food available, though not meals in the mountain, and just about any vardo was someplace anyone could find something to eat.

As would be the case anywhere, with any culture, the in-general easier relations with the people they traveled among had made life far less oppositional for the Romanies here.

In some ways persecution preserves culture as it insulates. If all outsiders are enemy camps, you may do what you wish to them -- it's a part of an ongoing guerilla war. If most people are apathetic and some people find them mildly interesting, others actually supportive, well, the romany do not steal from friends. Tit for tat, the most universally useful games strategy known for most cultures.

Zere’maya worked mostly with the women and children. Karl kept more and more to the men. She was quietly happy when he came back one night with the ceremonial dagger around his neck. He was relaxing as he stayed, not that that made his skin any more breakable.

The next little sign was when Karl began wearing a bright bit of cloth around his neck -- the diklo -- like some but not all of the men did.

Every day began the same -- Zere’maya with the women, working, spending time with the children, eating, laughing, drinking. Every day ended the same -- Zere’maya with the women, until she reentered her vardo, to lie curled with Karl.

One morning was different -- just for a second. Karl removed his diklo and tied it around her head. He smiled.
"I have another in my pocket, don't worry." He kissed her, enjoying her as few people have ever enjoyed her.

From then on Zere’maya kept her head covered and moved with the married women. The first time there were looks back and forth, and some approving smiles among the whispers. Mother Faa looked like a stone statue of an old woman, and it was only by comparing how she used to look to how she looked now that Zere’maya could see that the disapproval was gone.

From here on in, when anyone talked about Zere’maya in her earshot, she was no longer diddakai -- she was now rilmulo. It was telling that for the Romany being of mixed heritage was a lower state of life than being undead.

Zaash just continued to smile.

Zere’maya wasn't exactly sure what the men did. The women did almost all of the work, just as in some other minority cultures, and lived only a small part of their lives with the men.

This was a problem for Zere’maya, since she needed to find out everything she could in as many languages as she could find about the dragons. Clearly when she wasn't caning chairs, healing somebody, or sharing in the general culture of the mountain she had to be researching the people Karl came from.

Finding even a place to be alone and think was not easy, but after some searching Zere’maya found a place where she could be left alone -- the children were kept out of the bee cave and few would sit right in the way of the bees themselves. Zere’maya had no fear, and actually liked it there so, lacking any books as such she went to consult the bees.

Zere’maya sat quietly, asking her mind the question -- where do I know of dragons, where do I know of them as rulers?

In her mind, books opened and closed, but she reached out and found a reference in an old bible story, Bel and the Dragon:

Therefore the king slew them, and delivered Bel into Daniel's power, who destroyed him and his temple.And in that same place there was a great dragon, which they of Babylon worshipped.And the king said unto Daniel, Wilt thou also say that this is of brass? lo, he liveth, he eateth and drinketh; thou canst not say that he is no living god: therefore worship him.Then said Daniel unto the king, I will worship the Lord my God: for he is the living God.But give me leave, O king, and I shall slay this dragon without sword or staff. The king said, I give thee leave.Then Daniel took pitch, and fat, and hair, and did seethe them together, and made lumps thereof: this he put in the dragon's mouth, and so the dragon burst in sunder : and Daniel said, Lo, these are the gods ye worship.When they of Babylon heard that, they took great indignation, and conspired against the king, saying, The king is become a Jew, and he hath destroyed Bel, he hath slain the dragon, and put the priests to death.

Zere’maya didn't think that the people here worshipped them as gods exactly, but they did live longer than people did and were seen as wise. Perhaps Karl could be hurt on the inside, like Daniel hurt the dragon, but Zere’maya certainly did not want to hurt or kill him.

She wandered around her mind, looking at references to dragon gods, great powerful leaders.

One of the first things she did once she had the matter well thought out was to go to Mother Faa and Zaash.

She knew he had begun his romance with Zassh – suddenly, surprisingly painfully. There was something different in the way he kissed. He had known another mouth, another habit of tenderness. She had never meant to keep him.

Suddenly she thought of Jackie. She had to do this, sometimes. Best infidelity excuse there could be, mix with others to stay alive. Could Jackie feel this, as she could?

Zere’maya began to laugh.

“Stop that, you’re breaking my mood. What’s so funny anyway?” asked Karl.

“I’m in your arms thinking of another woman.” Said Zere’maya. Karl hesitated. Zere’maya paused. “Now I think you are also thinking of me with another woman.”. Karl reddened, pushed her away.

“I’d never do anything like that to you. To us. Why would I want to do that? What kind of man do you take me for?”

Karl went on and on. Zere’maya sat there, blissful. He could carry on for the both of them, and she could just sit here and drink of him. Blood, sex, or anger – any or all could keep her alive long enough to get back to Jackie.

“Karl!” she said seriously.

“At last, you respond. You make me feel like a fool, just sitting there, looking like a holy icon or something. Doesn’t it even matter to you? Don’t you even want me to be your husband?” Karl was furious.

“There was another thing. Standing there, with my hand on your chest, I could feel it. Your life winding down. Like I can feel my own. Day after day, soon hour after hour – I’ll sense you growing older. Each day, each hour, each heartbeat one less from the beats you had. I can feel time passing.”

“I don’t feel – anything. Nothing different.” Said Karl. “You are losing your mind, accusing me of taking another woman – what other woman? Who would possibly betray our bond?”

“Karl.” Said a voice behind him. They turned to see Mother Faa. “You don’t feel anything because you’ve always been traveling through time, every moment of your life. You have never been off of the wheel of time, so for you there’s nothing to feel, nothing has changed.”

“Monster. “ She addressed Zere’maya. “There must be a talk.”

“I’ve known from the moment we first touched that you could end me with a word – probably just by thinking about it hard. You may have any talk you want to have not because you hold my life in your palms, but because I know you are responsible for all of these lives, here. Whatever you desire, Mother Faa.” Said Zere’maya.

“Who are you talking to?” asked Karl.

“But – but we both turned to look at her.” Said Zere’maya softly.

Karl rolled his eyes.

All right then. Karl partnering with Zaash she could expect, even though she was surprised by the pain. She could work with Karl denying everything and blaming the two of them on her, eventually. That last part had happened before.

Zere’maya knew he had seen Mother Faa. One touch of him and she knew he had heard her just as she had heard her. Now Mother Faa wasn’t there. Of course she hadn’t come here, outside, in the snow, but Mother Faa had been part of the magic that had made the charm, had other magic. She would have been able to work that easily enough.

Maybe Karl didn’t know that he saw Mother Faa? Maybe it had to do with his invulnerability magic?

Quietly, meekly, she followed him back into the caves.